My New Approach to Dealing with Assholes

MisGuide to Mothering
Lampooned by Michelle Lovegrove Thomson

Here is an excerpt from a letter to the editor* printed in Fredericton's "Daily Gleaner" on Dec 28, 2006, equanimously titled
"Feels not all persons are created equal".

I have extrapolated five phrases in which the writer explains the facts and realities of womanliness, manliness, and mothering. Readers may re-arrange the letters or words of each section to create a new but equally entertaining phrase. Alternately, you may want to cut the quotes into fortune-cookie sized strips, and keep them in your wallet in case you ever need to fill an awkward silence with an even more awkward silence.


1. "It is incorrect to say that men and women are 'equal' ".

i.e. Loquacious man-tits are made into warts, ho!


2. "A man cannot look after a baby as well as a woman can."

i.e. A fart-boy (aka Sal) cannot, won't, see: a man can be a woman.


3. "Women should not compete with men, because men cannot be mothers."


4. "Only women who cannot be mothers, or those who have already performed the duties of motherhood, should work away from home."


5. "While machines and computers have made it possible for women to compete with men, it defies nature's plan."

--
* This was a letter from a mathematics professor at the University of New Brunswick, a prominent community-member with always harrowingly awful politics. I'm not printing his name here, though perhaps I could seeing as he always signs his letters (he has no problem with defaming himself, why should I hesitate?).

[This was originally a submission for the "Activity Book" issue of Kiss Machine. Read my rejected piece here for free!]